home > journal > 2023 october

five nights at frederick's 28.oct.23

REMEMBER WHEN I SAID that i was bumped because i was sick last week which meant that i was going to miss the premiere of the FNAF movie? WELL!!! to my luck, i started feeling better around tuesday!

i believe this movie theater was a once in a lifetime experience. EVERYONE was clapping EVERYTIME a character, a animatronic, a bit of "lore" ???? showed up and i was basically bawling from laughing so much at the reaction the crowd would have over the MOST minimal things.

the movie itself is not.... that great.... LMAO. but either way i was not expecting to watch the most life changing piece of film ever. but the experience was way better than the movie itself.

though i will say that i LOVE what they did with the animatronics. they looked SOOO CUTEEEEE honestly. (movie spoilers ahead) i'm glad there was a scene where they were playing with abby (the little girl) despite that shit NEVER happening in the games (their asses WILL kill you) but i couldn't help but go :3 at the sight of these robots being a little silly and having fun. i wanted to hug freddy so badly.

there was this little kid in front of me who kept telling the mom (who was sitting next to me) about lore bits that would appear in the movie and as someone who does not really fuck with FNAF lore, i need to personally THANK this little kid for helping me out as well! you know, i wonder how many parents were there wondering why people were clapping at someone getting horribly murdered by these robots. i find the whole thing hilarious.

believe it or not, the fnaf theater wasn't even the most crazy part about yesterday. THERE WAS A FLASH FLOOD WARNING on our way to the theater. and most of my friends (and me included) had to drive over fucking flooded streets.... TO WATCH THE FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S MOVIE.... please do not drive flooded streets to go to the theater, i was a bit scared but i got to spend the night with my bf meaning that i didn't have to turn my car into boat mode just to get to my home sweet home at midnight. please don't do this but lowkey? kinda worth it. and my outfit was very cute too :3

my loud ass AC

sick n reading 22.oct.23

to no one's surprised: i got sick again

i have been dealing with some post covid cough ever since i got sick with it around august .... so being sick again after such a short time is so annoying... especially because this coming week i had plans to watch the five nights at freddy's movie!!!!! in theaters with my friends n bf, so i will likely miss out on that event

anyways, me being sick again hasn't been letting me do much. i decided to charge up an android tablet i've used for college and read more stuff there! i've been meaning to read more, whether that be manga or books, but i am lacking a bit in the money department to buy them physically. reading them through Other Means on my phone is a bit of a pain because of the small screen. but my humble little tablet is just Perfect for the job.

here's some stuff i've read so far:

chainsaw man (by tatsuki fujimoto)

i finished reading chainsaw man! i had started reading it since.... last week i think. i've been having so much fun with it. my favorite characters so far are power, angel, and quanxi i love quanxi i think she's sooooo cool. power's and denji's relationship grew on me so so much. i love how they treat each other like siblings and i find them very sweet. i got so happy when power was able to help denji out and we saw her hugging him during the last couple of chapters from part 1

blue (by nananan kiriko)

remember when i wrote a blog post about a movie called blue? YEAHHHHHH i finally read it :) that was a bit painful but i guess in a nice way ?? UNLESS i am forgetting how the movie ended, i did find it more sad... and depressive than the movie :(

screenshot of a page from the manga blue

but besides that, can i just say that i LOVE the minimalistic art style? it makes it stand out so so well. i love that it feels empty, because it just somehow FITS into the story and characters and just overall mood.

気になってる人が男じゃなかった / the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all (by arai sumiko)

THIS ONE IS SOOOOOOO SWEET!!!!! i've been meaning to read it for quite some time now!!!!

it is basically about a girl (aya) who goes to a CD store and has a crush on this cute tomboy (mitsuki) and this whole time aya thought mitsuki was just some guy they decide to be friends and their relationship is just so so so cute. they're just a couple of high school girls in love and that shit just warms my heart. i love mitsuki's fashion style a lot as well! and the green accent color the manga has is very nice and pleasant to my eyes tbh. highly recommend this one!

more screenshots!

that is pretty much it on my reading adventures, this flu or whatever is probably gonna be with me for a week (i'm so mad) but i will have another of things i've read if that's the case.

the wind

journal format 21.oct.23

i recently finished remaking my music here! i had a lot of fun creating it.

i thought about the format of my journal pages too... hmm i wanna change things up a bit in here too. but im not so sure how. i thought about making these pages yearly instead of monthly. i feel like i don't really have much to talk about LOL.... not much happens in my life for me to be writing paragraphs every week in here. and i'm fine with that. but there's also times where i just feel like writing a lot, and despite the endless vertical space HTML offers, i feel like this can get overwhelming at times.

i definitely want to start writing shorter things in here as well. there's a lot of times that while i am writing a log in here i just give out like 100 updates on different topics and i just dont like how disorganized it looks! but i guess i can't really feel that bad about it. that's life after all. still i will try to give smaller updates in the future!

i said that i would start working on version 3 of the homepage BUT..... i think i will rest a bit from all the coding that the music took out of me, and then start working on this page. i want to make the navigation between logs easier at least.

miss parallel world by soutaiseiriron
sick af... also hungry
adventure time season 7
hot dogs (SOON)

horror 11.oct.23

been going strong with my october tradition of watching horror movies! i've had so much fun coding and logging in my thoughts on the page as well :3 i've never gotten the chance to "properly" celebrate halloween (dressing up, trick or treating, carving pumpkins, etc) but i've always really like this watching these movies as a way to celebrate in my own way.

i really like the horror / thriller genre. i was (somehow) allowed to watch them ever since i was little. yes, doll related movies have traumatized me a bit when i was little to the point where i threw away all of my dolls, but i got over it eventually. because of that early exposure to horror, i grew some sort of appreciation for the genre. whether it be in films, video games, art, books, comics; the genre has always had a spot in my heart. you can do so many things with it, i really just find it fascinating overall.

every time we would go to our local video rental store, me and my dad would pick a new horror movie to watch together. i cannot believe he got more scared than me while watching them i have a lot of memories like that.

while on this topic, i want to share some of my favorites!

i'm always on the lookout for more movies to watch, especially horror ones. if anyone has any recs, feel free to send them my way at doqmeat@gmail.com ! if anyone is brave enough to go through my letterboxd you can also do that if you're wondering which movies i've watched already.

in other news:

i've also been reading chainsaw man! i had watched the anime last year and i had SOOO much fun with it!!! i am also having a lot of fun with the manga as well! i love fujimoto's art style and the way he draws expressions. i'm on chapter.... 46 i think. (edit: i lied i'm in chapter 43!) all the characters are so fun and interesting. i can't wait to meet asa

edit: i've been taking screenshots as i've read so here's some panels i've enjoyed! spoilers for chapters 1 through 42. contains partial nudity. hover for comments. (might make a page for this....)


i've shown my parents bits and pieces of my sites and they have been so impressed by it. ever since i mentioned i wanted to study computer science they have been very interested in how i got to that conclusion, which is why i've been showing them what i do to make pages and stuff. i feel like i have a better relationship with them nowadays, compared to years ago. i'm glad i feel that way

paranormal activity 4

interview 03.oct.23

today has not been my day....

in my previous entry i mentioned that i had a phone interview today for a retail store and well. lets just say that i've been on hold for the past 2 hours AND 20 minutes...
yep. absolutely horrible. and on top of that, right as i woke up today, the power (and water, of course) went out. i truly hate living here but oh well. what can i do.

i'll be going to my bf's later. on my way, i'll get myself a tasty frappe that i've shared a pic of in one of my logs

the little song that plays in stores when they put you on hold
noroi: the curse

old friend + going back to uni? + OCTOBER! 01.oct.23

i went to the supermarket today to get some cleaning supplies and a bit of food.
as i was doing the line, i noticed an employee who REALLY looked like an old friend from high school. i kept staring at his name tag trying to decipher what it said so could be 100% sure it was him but i couldn't read it from afar

as i finished paying stumbled upon him again and this time we both just stopped to look at each other while holding our laugh. we both went "YES i knew it was you, but i was a bit scared to say something" we both laughed about it and hugged. i gave him a brief summary of where i have been. our encounter was pretty brief since he was on clock, but i left that supermarket with a smile on my face.

it's not that i was SUPER close to this person while i was in high school, but seeing him randomly and knowing hes doing good and getting the chance to talk to him was a bit heartwarming.

im a pretty introverted, shy, and lonely person overall. i don't really keep in contact with old friends from high school. not because i dont like em or anything like that. but its just a bit hard for me to do so. which is something i genuinely want to work on.

it's a bit stupid. i know they'll be happy to hear from me or even hang out with me, and yet i can't help but feel anxious at the thought of contacting someone i haven't talked to in years out of the blue. but i really really want to.... i enjoy being by myself a lot. but i miss the joy that is laughing and having a good time with friends. i miss those times. hopefully, i will make an effort of contacting some ppl in the coming days. i want to laugh with other ppl more. so i'll try to put some work into the social aspect of my life.

i mentioned in my last september log entry that i have been pretty busy with real life... well...... *drum roll please* that is because i've been doing lots of phone calls and paperwork to go back to uni

but first, here's a little backstory of how i got there:

3 weeks ago i sat down in my desk and as i stared blankly at the white wall in front of me i wondered "what am i going to do?"

i have applied to countless retail jobs, left resumes in stores, and yet i never heard from anyone. i was starting to wonder if i had put my phone number incorrectly, but that wasn't the case. that was clearly not working out. and i figured that me sitting, waiting for Something to happen was just going to be a waste of my time, clearly.

and so, that same night i started to REALLY put in some thought and really really think about it: "if i have no choice but to live in this capitalist world, what is a career i can see myself doing?"
i grabbed an empty notebook and started writing whatever popped in my mind there.

most of the career ideas came from the fact that i have been very but VERY invested in this little humble site that i call my own. i thought maybe a web developer? a web designer? i'm not sure where exactly i'll end up! but working with websites has been a very fun and interesting journey for me, so im very optimistic about it to say the least!!! :) i know whatever i end up doing profesionally will be Very different from what i am currently doing, but i am willing to give it a shot! i did a bit of research and found that a degree in computer science could get me to where i want. as of now, that is my plan for the future

im a bit scared of going back to uni after so long, i need to touch up on my math skills, and social skills as well. but overall i am pretty excited!

in the past, whenever i thought about my future i would just get this horrible feeling in my chest and start crying. i simply didn't know what to do with my life. and seeing everyone move on with theirs, has made me feel worst about my situation at times. there has been so many times where i thought of myself as worthless. not knowing what to do with myself... for the longest time, i thought i was a lost case.

when i created my site in early april of this year, i really didn't expect it to do anything life changing to me. i've been having the time of my life curating this place to my liking and filling it with things that bring me joy. the fact that it has also helped me decide what i would like to study makes me a bit emotional. i love my site a lot. and i'm sure you can see that with all the care and the little details that it has.

im currently in the process of getting admission so i really hope i can get into this university! but if not there's plenty of other places i can study at.

i've been feeling happier lately.

anyway! happy october everyone!!! i feel like i haven't seen new horror movies in a whileeeee so this month i have planned to watch as many horror movies as i can! i have a list of ones i want to watch and maybe i'll make a page for it as i watch them here, similar to my masaaki yuasa watchlist page. if you have any recs feel free to send them to me!

oh and one more thing: i actually have an interview pretty soon from one of those countless stores that i mentioned earlier LOL.... hope it goes well!

hope everyone has a nice week!

tired but happy
noroi: the curse