my 4th uni semester09.sep.25

this is the semester where it's starting to sink in that what i'm studying is kinda hard but despite that, i still welcome the challenge!

to start things off, i am finally done being a transfer student, having completed the classes i got told to complete so i could become a regular student, which means i now get to have financial aid and i don't have to pay for my tuition anymore. i LOVE when the government pays for my things. it will be such a relief for me and my bank account at least. i don't have to worry about having enough hours at my fuck ass part time job while sacrificing time i should be spending doing school work. this semester i have quite a couple of classes because of this reason. the big hitters are probably gonna be discrete mathematics and data structures. so far, data structures has been very okay but oh my god discrete math..........

i think it's very funny i decided to do discrete math this semester to take a "break" from calculus (i have to eventually take calculus 2) and yet this class might be the same, if not, a little harder than calculus. it covers a lot of fundamentals for computer science so i guess i am glad i'm taking now rather than later. but it's so different from the usual math of having a problem and just solving it by doing some calculations and what not. i guess there's also some relief in that... (as someone who still counts with their fingers) i always enjoyed the arithmetic of math problems nonetheless although i see the fun potential of discrete mathematics. i just find it kind frustrating how long it takes me for something to click with me. sometimes i hear my peers talk about math and i'm just asking myself man what kind of mess did i get myself into... i feel so slow when it comes to anything math related but this is nothing new to me. i need to print and frame the A i got on my calculus final so i can remember that i am capable of achieving anything forever. as long as i put in the effort. LOTS of effort. but oh well, i can be awesome in other aspects of my life instead. for the first time in my uni life i've been going to the tutoring hours of discrete math and they have been helping quite a lot in trying to wrap my head around the concepts and everything. i think it also helps that i've become friends with the person that does the tutoring. yay! shoutout sona. there was a point where we were doing fractions like 9 + 1/2 and how that just equals to 9(1/2) which makes sense but i was expecting a 19/2 to appear there so i got so scared tears started coming out of my eyes.

i've actually been talking to and meeting so many people because of my involvement with the uni's student association for computer science. i've really been enjoying being more involved with stuff for university and being able to contribute to things. even before becoming a board member, i had been wanting to be able to help update their website because somehow it has barely gotten updated since 2019 or something like that and it looks... rough. like your average bootstrap website. bleh. no charm, no personality. so now that i got permission to do so, during my free time i've been working on a draft for the design of the site :) so i've also been having my fun with that. i've been thinking about how this is basically my creative outlet nowadays and has been for the past 2 years or something. so i'm happy that i can find joy in that. and i also find it very cool how the very uni classes i am taking can help me out making these personal projects. it's honestly a great motivator for pursuing this degree. even if i am dying trying to understand something, i am at the very least interested in what's going on and somewhat having fun along the way. and that is good enough for me to keep going.